After reading this article, you will:
- Understand the difference between co-regulation and self-regulation in children's emotional development.
- Gain insights into the significance of co-regulation as the foundation for self-regulation.
Are We Expecting Too Much from Young Children?
In the world of therapy, conversations about emotional regulation are frequent, especially around early childhood goals. It’s not uncommon to see objectives focused on "self-regulation" for children as young as three, four, or five years old.
Co-Regulation vs Self-Regulation: What’s the Difference?
Self-regulation is the ability to independently manage emotions, behaviours, and physiological responses. It's often seen as the ultimate goal, but what’s frequently overlooked is that self-regulation develops through co-regulation.
Co-regulation refers to the supportive process where a trusted adult helps a child navigate big feelings. It’s not about fixing or stopping the emotion. It’s about showing up with calm presence and guiding the child through emotional waves until they can eventually manage those experiences on their own.
Rather than seeing co-regulation and self-regulation as opposites, it’s more accurate to view them as stages of development that are interconnected and gradually built over time.
Why Co-Regulation Matters
Emotional regulation doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Children learn through connection. When an adult stays regulated during a child’s dysregulation, it sends a powerful message:
You are safe. I am here. We’ll get through this together.
Over time, repeated co-regulation experiences strengthen the brain's pathways for self-regulation. Children start to internalise the calm, cues, and compassion they’ve received, and they begin to draw on those tools themselves.
Creating a Co-Regulation-Friendly Environment
Supporting co-regulation isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. You can foster co-regulation by:
- Creating a calm, predictable environment
- Validating emotions rather than dismissing them
- Modelling healthy coping strategies
- Using visual aids or scripts that support emotional awareness
- Meeting sensory needs proactively
One helpful tool in this space is The Galaxy Guide to Running My Rocket, our neurodiverse-affirming resource that explores what happens to our brains and bodies when we enter and move through all of our feelings. The guide includes co-regulation strategies and shared language for kids and adults to understand their nervous systems, making it easier to stay connected during moments of dysregulation.
Want to Learn More About These Strategies in Action?
🚀 Ready Rocket has a range of supports for parents, professionals, and educators who want to confidently guide children through big emotions in a way that's supportive, science-informed, and truly neuroaffirming.
Choose the Path That's Right for You:
The Galaxy Guide to Running My Rocket stands out among other emotional regulation tools with its unique rocket journey concept, emphasis on internal needs, and focus on promoting co-regulation towards self-regulation in a neurodiverse-affirming way. By utilising this resource, children gain a deeper understanding of their emotions and develop the skills needed to navigate them successfully, leading to enhanced emotional well-being.
Explore the Galaxy Guide Books
👨👩👧👦 Online Emotions Workshop – For Parents & Carers
🕒 4-hour self-paced training
Gain the tools and knowledge to support your child through emotional dysregulation with confidence and compassion.
Explore the Parents Online Emotions Workshop
🧠 Online Emotions Workshop – For Therapists & Allied Health Professionals
🕒 4.5-hour self-paced training
Learn a developmentally-informed, neuroaffirming approach to regulation support for diverse clients and therapy goals.
Explore the Therapist Online Emotions Workshop
🏫 Ready Rocket School Learning Program – For Educators
A classroom-ready, whole-school emotional regulation program built on the same powerful framework with extension into these concepts and more! Includes developmentally tailored content for Kindergarten, Pre-Primary, Year 1, and Year 2.
Perfect for early childhood and primary teachers looking for practical, evidence-aligned emotional literacy education.
Explore the Ready Rocket School Learning Program
