When School Feels Too Hard: A Compassionate Guide for Supporting Your Child Through ‘School Can’t’
- Ready Rocket Resources
- May 22
- 4 min read
Some mornings feel heavier than others. The school bag sits untouched by the door, breakfast barely nibbled, and your child is holding back tears - or maybe not holding back at all. If your child is struggling to attend school, you’re not alone, and more importantly, neither are they.
We often hear the term school refusal, but for many families, this doesn't capture the full picture. It’s not that your child won’t go to school; it’s that, right now, they can’t.
This is what we call “school can’t”.
And just like any big feeling or challenge your child faces, this isn’t about defiance or laziness. It’s about a nervous system that’s sounding the alarm and a child who needs connection, understanding, and support.
What is ‘School Can’t’?
School can’t is when a child feels emotionally or physically unable to go to school, even if they want to. It often shows up as tears, stomachaches, meltdowns, or freezing up when it's time to get ready. These reactions are usually driven by genuine distress, not defiance.
At its core, school can’t is a nervous system response. A child might feel overwhelmed by sensory input, anxious about social situations, or exhausted from trying to keep up with learning demands. It can come on suddenly or build over time, and it often takes families by surprise.
Some children can’t explain what’s wrong because they don’t fully understand it themselves. That’s okay. Your role is to slow things down, stay connected, and gently support your child as you uncover what they need to feel safe and supported again.
Start by Exploring the “Why”
Before jumping to solutions, take a step back and gently explore what might be going on underneath the surface. What is your child trying to communicate through their behaviours?
Try reflecting together with your child, their teachers, and any therapists or support staff. Keep the conversation calm and curious.
Some possible reasons your child may be feeling overwhelmed by school include:
Sensory overload from noisy, busy classrooms
Learning difficulties or feeling behind
Social anxiety or friendship worries
Big changes or transitions
Executive functioning challenges, like planning, organising, or getting started
You might like to use pictures, drawings, or writing to help your child express their feelings. Sometimes it's easier for them to show you than to explain it with words.
Work with School to Build a Gentle Plan
Once you have a better idea of what’s going on, it’s time to collaborate with the school on a gentle re-entry plan. You’re not alone in this. Supportive teachers and staff can help create a plan that meets your child where they are.
Helpful strategies might include:
Shortened days to build confidence slowly
Arriving after the morning rush to avoid overwhelming transitions
Having a safe space to take breaks when things get too much
Access to sensory tools like noise-cancelling headphones or fidgets
A trusted adult to check in with during the day
Celebrating small wins like getting dressed, arriving at school, or greeting a teacher
Progress might feel slow, but even tiny steps forward are worth celebrating.
Sometimes a Break is the Best Medicine
There may be times when the most supportive thing you can do is pause school completely and prioritise your child’s mental health. This isn’t giving up. It’s choosing to care for the whole child, allowing time to rest and reset.
This kind of break might include:
Restorative time at home to feel safe again
Play-based or community-based therapy
Engaging in meaningful activities outside of school that build confidence
Let go of timelines and focus on what your child truly needs to feel safe, regulated, and connected again.
Help Your Child Learn What Calms Their Body and Brain
Every child has a unique regulation toolkit. Help them discover what works best to bring their body and brain back to a calm, balanced state.
Some ideas include:
Deep breathing exercises
Movement breaks or heavy work (like jumping, pushing, or carrying)
Using a safe word or signal when feeling overwhelmed
Sensory supports like headphones, weighted toys, or calming visuals
Psst... If you need extra ideas, check out The Galaxy Guide To Running My Rocket for over 100 strategies to help your child navigate big emotions in a playful and empowering way.
You Are Not Alone
School can't is hard, and it can bring up a lot of emotions for everyone in the family.
But please know this: you are not alone, and your child is not broken.
They are doing their best to communicate something important. And with your love, support, and a team around them, they can begin to feel safe and confident again.
Take it one day at a time. You’ve got this, and your child has you.
Want to Learn More About Ready Rocket Strategies in Action?
💻 Ready Rocket has a range of supports for parents, professionals, and educators who want to confidently guide children through big emotions in a way that’s supportive, science-informed, and truly neuroaffirming.
Choose the Path That’s Right for You:
👨👩👧👦 Online Emotions Workshop – Parents & Carers
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Gain the tools and knowledge to support your child through emotional dysregulation with confidence and compassion.
🧠 Online Emotions Workshop – Therapists & Allied Health Professionals
🕒 4.5-hour self-paced training
Learn a developmentally-informed, neuroaffirming approach to regulation support for diverse clients and therapy goals.
🏫 Ready Rocket School Learning Program – Educators
A classroom-ready, whole-school emotional regulation program built on the same powerful framework with extension into these concepts and more! Includes developmentally tailored content for Kindergarten, Pre-Primary, Year 1, and Year 2.
Perfect for early childhood and primary teachers looking for practical, evidence-aligned emotional literacy education.
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